The co-worker in the previous post was also a Friend on Facebook. Guess who has unfriended me? All I can do is shake my head. I must have really crossed this woman. Not only is she talking shit about me behind my back, but she has even unfriended me on Facebook! I'm still going to take the high-road. But if it comes back to me that she has said one more negative thing about me, I am not sure what course of action to take. It's so not my nature to hold grudges or to try and defame someone. I am probably naive when it comes to people's motivations for doing such things...

This has been a day of Work Drama-- not my usual "stuff" but something different.

One of my coworkers is currently not talking to me. This started just after Columbus Day when I returned from Palm Springs with some work mates. (This is the post that never was-- every now and then I'd like to post some happy shit. I guess it's not too late!) Since then, we haven't spoken. Twice in the last week or so she has made disparaging remarks about me to other co-workers. Yesterday she told our supervisor, whom I consider a Boss and a friend, that I had made negative work-related comments about her, namely that I work too hard and that she should try and help me out a bit more. (I admit I did say this and did feel this way. I voiced, nicely, my concerns with my Sup about this issue some time ago.)

However said "hating" coworker took it upon herself to say these things, unbidden, to the Boss. WTF?? At the start of the convo between them, she said she thought we, and another employee, were talking about her and laughing. Um, no-- we weren't talking shit about you this time! (Hell, we talk shit about a lot of people! I told my Sup that this is the job at which I have kvetched and griped the most. I don't like it! Normally, I am not a complainer, but it's like a disease or addiction. When others are doing it, it's easy to fall into doing it (more) yourself!)

There are any number of reasons why this coworker is behaving this way. The thing is that I really like(d) her! Now that I have heard what she is saying about me, or saying that I said, or revealing what I said, I am saddened. I've never had negative relationships with a coworker-- maybe I've been lucky so far. What she's done is hurtful and distrustful. I'm not sure how to behave around her when I see her again on Monday (and on into the future). Sigh.

Yesterday was my Birthday. I received so many messages, both on Facebook and text messages on my phone, that I was quite touched. "You like me! You really, really like me!" I even heard from someone who works at the college I taught at many years ago in Georgia. I hadn't heard from her since I left there in 1998 and moved back to California. How cool is that?

All of this emotional wonderfulness makes growing another year older worthwhile! Yay!

Okay, anyone who knows me knows I am loathe to take photos of myself. (Bleech!) However, since I am trying to document my move towards natural hair, I have decided to include two shots of myself: "Before" and "After"

This is me "Before". I usually wear my hair blown dry. It's long-- between my mid back to my waist. In this photo, taken a few months ago, it's straight and curled.



This "After" photo I took just this evening when I returned home from work. The curls held up pretty well through the work day. I'll probably co-wash it tomorrow and put more gel in. Maybe I can get this natural to work for me!



Most of the women at work said they think my hair looks nice this way-- better than when I wear it straight. A few have said that it made me look "blacker". What did I look like before?! LOL!

For the last few days, I have been wearing my hair natural. I use the term natural because while I don't relax my hair, I do blowdry it and make the attempt to flat iron it straight(er). I got the idea to pursue a different hairstyle because there is a woman at work who recently got a really cute very short haircut with her hair in small curls. I have always wanted to give going natural a shot, but I could never find products that worked well with my varied hair texture; they were either too heavy or too light. The product she uses in her hair is Curls. (Another product that looks good is Mixed Chicks.) She gave me small samples of her own stash to try on my hair. Since it was a holiday weekend, I thought I would give it a go. If it looked bad, I could just wash it and do my usual routine.

Yesterday after washing and conditioning my hair, I used the Quenched Curls Moisturizer, the Curls Milkshake, and the Curls Gel-les'c (Jealousy), the latter seems to be one of their more popular products. When I first washed and styled it, it looked okay. Since my hair is longer, I probably needed to have used more product. After a while my curls started to straighten out and my hair was looking a bit fuzzy. Today I "co-washed" it (I'd never heard the term before. I guess this is wetting the hair and instead of washing it with shampoo again, using just conditioner to moisturize and detangle), and then added other styling products to my curls.

It's been a long time, if ever, have I just washed my hair and let it dry loose. Also, I have never used gel on my hair, and it's been a little difficult to tell how much, or how little to use. My hair is very long but it's not very thick, so right now it looks shorter and poufier. I would include a few photos here, but unfortunately, my face would be in them! It's the weekend, and I'm looking a bit bleech. If I can remember, I'll take a few pictures this week, hoping my hair holds up, and may include them on their own.

I'd like to see this movie. It sounds really cool in the way it addresses Af Ams and the Indie/ Hipster scene:




The blurb associated with the movie:

A love story of bikes and one-night stands told through two African-American twenty-somethings dealing with issues of class, identity, and the evolving conundrum of being a minority in rapidly gentrifying San Francisco—a city with the smallest proportional black population of any other major American city.

Of course the film is only playing in New York right now. I would think it would eventually find its way West to LA. Isn't this the land of Indie Films, anyway?

I haven't written much about the guy friend I mentioned earlier. Hmm, note how I use the term guy friend. Our differences are too great. He is a nice guy, but...yeah, the infamous "but"...some things are just difficult for me to surmount. I think I am an open-minded person, but I have to admit that most, all, of my friends are of a similar socio-political bent as myself. We're not lock-step, but there is a continuum of thought. With GB and me, we start talking politics, or social issues, and we end up arguing. I totally don't agree with him! (Though sometimes we get to similar ends, our means are quite different.) I rarely argue with people, but with him, I find it difficult to hold my tongue. I'm a tongue holder, so this is a bad sign.

There are other issues that may be wedges between us too: thrice daily phone calls, calls that last for hours, repetitively discussing the same issues over and over... I think I'll post separately on each one 'cause this entry would be way too long to do it all here...(!) Anyway, I think we may be friends, but romance...erm, no. Damn!

I have heard in the news that there is a recall on peanut butter because of a recent outbreak of salmonella. What?? Various cookie, cake, and cracker products are on the recall list too. (The Girl Scouts had to issue a statement that their peanut butter products were safe. Goodness!) I was in a panic. I LOVE peanut butter! I recently bought a new jar. I debated...should I eat it? Should I risk illness to get my peanut on? Yes, yes, dammit! I am willing to risk a trip to the emergency room if it means keeping one of my favorite foods close to home!

All is not lost, though. I heard an update that the peanut butters on the recall are industrial ones. Okay, industrial peanut butter sounds a bit severe! The retail butters are safe. Whew! That's a relief!

For the past few years I have been writing out my Resolutions (or Best Intentions) so that by making them semi-permanent, I'll work better at trying to attain them. I was just reviewing last year's, and I realized that I actually reached some of my goals. Go figure!

Work: 2008 was a pretty decent work year. After a few minor upsets at the end of 2007, I decided to both work higher and to try not to fret so much about things. I think I accomplished both. I can't completely stop fretting, but I can try to quell the needless worrying I do sometimes.

2009: I'd like to continue working on the same path. On Monday, I would've had a job interview for a much higher position than I have now that would've paid me more money and would've had more responsibility. Unfortunately with the budget crisis, and the economy sliding into the crapper, the interviewing process was canceled leaving the position on hold. Oh well. It would've been cool to interview for it. The Department said they'd leave my resume on file until which point they'll open the position again.

Weight: I have actually lost most of the 10 pounds I gained a year and a half ago.

2009: Try to keep the weight off (duh!), and to try and keep in better shape. I'm such a slug, and it's hard to motivate myself to exercise on a regular basis. I hope to do better in '09.

Relationships: Romance: I vowed not to remain in stasis for 2008. I wasn't, but that meant breaking up with JA. Now that I look back, I know it was the right move (I knew it then too). We would've just drifted along forever, I think. Friends: Was I a better friend this year? Probably incrementally, but not as much as I would've hoped.

2009: Romance: Can I make resolutions in this area? Maybe I'll resolve to be in a fulfilling relationship. Friends: Of course be a better friend. See my friends more. You'd think with Facebook/ LJ/ email, I'd be better! With some friends I have been. So for '09, I'll try harder.

The Christmas holiday seemed to creep up on me this year. I was lucky that this season I actually took time off-- normally I don't during the the two weeks between Christmas and New Year's, but I actually took one day, today, off. Tomorrow I go back to work. Sigh! I've enjoyed my 5 days off, but they seemed to go by so quickly! Next year I'm going to be more mindful of the Season and will try to use my time more wisely.

There is a Manager at work who prides himself, and his family, at not possessing any of the more modern conveniences. Neither he nor his wife and kids have a cell phone. They don't have cable or any sort of video game consoles. Now, this is all fine and dandy. When I was young, lo in the last Century, there were no cell phones, as such, and text messaging. Video games were to be found in Arcades (though at the height of their popularity in the early '80s newspaper articles were written about how kids spent their last cents, and spent hours, at Arcades playing Space Invaders and such... but I digress). Some households had SelecTV or On TV (okay, this is really dating me!), but it wasn't typical. So to do without these things is admirable because there is such pressure to have all the most up-to-date entertainment venues. If you can do without, and resist temptation-- well, more power to ya.

Why I am tilting my head at his proclamation is because I think a lot of why they don't have these modern "conveniences" is because of control. He has said that he forbids his family from having these items. Now, he has two kids in college and one in high school. He also has a wife who, last time I checked, is a grown-ass adult. You're going to forbid me from having what?! Oh no you didn't! I can see the video game consoles and cable TV even. You don't need these things, though they can be cool to have and can open a whole new world to the viewer. But a cell phone? If you're on the road, away from home, a basic no-frills cell might be a handy tool.

Between you and me I think he may not want them to have one because he wouldn't be able to monitor with whom they communicate. Hush now!

Little Peanut died tonight. I was surprised that she was alive when I came home from work because she had been looking so weak. When I checked up on her at 8:45 pm, she was struggling to breathe. I knew that the end was near. I rubbed her and spoke to her as she breathed her last. I let her lay there for a while and then I gently gathered up her body and wrapped it up. It was hard to look at her empty house so I gathered it up and put it in a bag and took it to the trash. I didn't even clean it-- I knew I wouldn't be keeping it. Now she's gone. If there is a bright spot, it that she's not suffering anymore.

Her turn happened so quickly. Last Monday she was fine, but she woke up on Veterans’ Day not quite herself. Since then, she hadn’t been in her ball to walk around, and she hadn’t been downstairs in her house to drink or eat. I'd bring the water bottle to her so she could take a sip. I'd give her cut apples too so that she could have food and liquid. Maybe I knew, especially after this weekend, that she was at the last door. She lived a long, and good, life. Even though it was sad, I'm glad I was with her at the end.

In so many ways our animal companions are our friends. I'll miss my little friend.

Normally, when I am home from work, whether it be a weekend or a holiday, I spent most of my time stretched out on the futon with the remote in my hand (especially lately). Not today! Okay, not all day today. No, I actually got up and cleaned. I swept the floors, washed the dishes (all of them!), and wonder of wonders, vacuumed the apartment.

This is some feat because I bought a new vacuum cleaner, like, four months ago and never put it together. This means, of course, I haven't vacuumed in a very long time. (I'll admit practically anything under the cover of the Interweb!) Anyway, I put the contraption together and vacuumed the apartment (and the bathroom heater). I am proud of myself! Lately, I have been such a slug, so I am commemorating my activity with an LJ post to inspire me to keep up the good work. Huzzah!

I mailed in my Vote-by-Mail ballot today. I have done my Civic duty, and I can rest safe knowing that I have done my part. Now comes the waiting...less than a week to go!

Sometimes things happen in life that make one realize how precious life is...

Last week I found out that someone at work had died. I work in a fairly large work place with upwards of 450+ employees. In the past when people have died, I have vaguely known who they were. While the woman who died last weekend wasn't a friend, she is someone whom I spoke to from time to time.

What struck me about her death were two things: The first was that she was always very nice and complimentary to me. In my line of work, I can encounter the majority of the employees from Managers to Line staff. Sometimes I am just an email "voice" and sometimes they get to meet me in person and I them. In her case, we were on the same floor, so I saw her and got to speak with her. She always thanked me for helping her do something or for providing her with information. I felt good that I was able to help her in some way.

The second thing that struck me was that I had just seen her. She was not feeling well and was in the woman's restroom. She thought perhaps she had a bought of food poisoning, and this was why she felt ill. I asked her how long she had been not feeling well and if she planned to see the doctor. This was maybe on a Wednesday. I guess she did see her doctor and they found stomach cancer. Within a week, she was gone.

Life can be that ways sometimes. This woman always seemed so pleasant and humble. She always stopped to say hello and chat with me. I'm glad I got to meet her and be of assistance to her in some small way.

My birthday was a couple of days ago. When I woke up Wednesday morning, I had forgotten that it was "my day". (I had taken Monday off to celebrate so that I would have a 4-day weekend.) It was a keen day: One of my co-workers gave me a travel set of Bath & Body Works Japanese Cherry Blossom (I should own stock in that company) and later that evening the Family treated me to an Ethiopian dinner (one of my fav meals, especially since I am too afraid to eat sushi anymore).

BFF Cee (ferrarireign) sent me a lovely birthday balloon bouquet. xo!

But like most birthdays, post 35, I have spent time reflecting on where I am in my life. Gah, don't you hate that? Birthdays, New Years, Winter Solstice all become a time of inner reflection. I can't help it.

Is this where I thought I'd be at my age? Did I think I'd be on some other path? Did I think I'd be an Associate Professor of English at my Bay Area college, married, maybe with a child, and if not the picket fence, then at least something akin to that. For me.

Yet, here I am. A Civil Servant. Alone. Living in an apartment. With a hamster. I am not even going for the pathos in this. Really. I mean my life isn't as pathetic as that. Only when I present it with the stopping and the starting does it sound somehow-- you know. I'm happy. For realz.

Someone broke into my car last night. I was at my mom's and because she is having some home improvement work done, I had to park my car on the street. (How the person got in is a mystery. My nephew, Bee, and I are sure we locked the door when we parked. Hmmm...) Usually I don't like to park my car there because a few years ago, when I first bought the car, someone broke my driver's side mirror, and it cost me over $350 to get the (damn) thing fixed. So when I go to see mom, I prefer to park in the drive way.

Anyway, when mom and I left this morning to take her to Kaiser (another story) we could see where someone had plundered my glove box and arm rest compartments. I don't usually keep anything of value in my car, so I don't think anything was stolen. I hope not.

(A few years ago with my old car someone broke in, stole all my CDs, stole paperwork with my banking info on it and tried to reroute my ATM card to another address. I had to close my checking account, flag my credit reports, etc. It was a big mess. I've learned from that experience!)

Still, even if I can't see where anything has been taken, I feel uncomfortable. I called my bank to make sure there have been no transactions that weren't mine, and I am moving the bulk of my funds into a savings account just in case (I should've done this anyway).

It's funny because as my mom's neighborhood is "in transition" back (don't you just love that term?) as the upscale young-marrieds and hip singles move back from the Valleys, there has been greater issue with break-ins and such. There are Lexi, BMWs, Mercs that are all over that 'hood. Why would someone bother with my old car? I'm a poor nobody!

I was trying to upload pictures from my digital camera to my computer, but I ended up deleting all the pictures I had in the camera's memory. Dangnabbit! Thank goodness most of the ones I wanted to keep I had already uploaded on to my hard drive and many of them I had already saved in Flickr, but still..... I had taken a couple of nice ones of Cee when I saw her this weekend. (Also some beautiful pictures of the jacaranda when they bloomed in April.) Now they're gone! Poof! My camera is being temperamental. I think I'm going to have to give it a spanking.

Pooh.